bloggedy blog: the personal weblog of a music lover and aging punk wannabe

:: Friday, August 01, 2003 ::

Dis-integration
I've been scattered, unfocused, trying to do too many things at once, please to many masters. This, I think, is what God is revealing to me. My soul has been dis-integrating, being pulled apart by too many forces, too many distractions. The Internet is one of those forces, but not the only one. So I've been trying to put God first again -- seeking communion with Him first, as the day begins, and throughout the day. So far, it's helping.

God wants to re-integrate me, make me whole.

Interesting words, integrate, disintegrate and integrity. They all stem from the same root as integer, that old word from junior high math class. Integer, from a Latin word meaning whole or entire. I want to have integrity -- that is, wholeness, soundness -- in my life. I believe that's what God wants, too. He created us to be whole and sound. He wants to restore us to that condition, I believe.

This morning I felt a calling again to practice the prayer discipline of lectio divina -- reading scripture, meditating on it, praying the scripture, and living it. And again, just as during Lent, I was led to Psalms. Psalm 37, specifically. A familiar place, for me. My eyes stuck on verse 3:

Trust in the Lord, and do good.
So shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

I meditated on it, mulled it over, contemplated. What are you trying to tell me, Lord? Silence was His response. I suppose the verse tells me all I need to know about that.

Then I pulled into the Hardee's drive-thru window to pick up an unhealthy breakfast of biscuits and gravy. The scripture came to me again. Trust in the Lord, and do good. So shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. So I resolved to buy breakfast for the guy in the car behind me as one of those random acts of kindness gestures. My first good deed of the day. Sure enough, I was fed.

Thanks for your notes on this blog and via email regarding my decision to limit my blogging time. As you can see, I'm really sticking with it. :)

:: Andrew 07:41 + ::
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